I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize