I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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