I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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