I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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