Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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