I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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