you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize