I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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