Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize