oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize