Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize