i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize