i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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