I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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