I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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