yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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