i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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