How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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