Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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