I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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