Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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