My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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