Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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