My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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