i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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