Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize