I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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