I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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