He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
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Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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