Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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