I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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