I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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