I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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