He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
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I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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