You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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