this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize