My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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