I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
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I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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