btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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