You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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