Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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