$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want her autograph on my taint
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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