dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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