I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize