I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
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Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
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Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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