u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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