I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
