just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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