well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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