Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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